life can be so elusive. just when you think you’ve got it, it slips through your fingers once again, and then you’re left wondering if you ever really had it. being alive is complicated and uncertain, as if you never really know if you truly are, because the greatest moments of aliveness are often only recognized when they are quickly passing, and the thought of it having just occurred only discolors the once great moment by the longing for more of it and again. and so life goes, a sum of many moments, a pile of many memories, and you wonder, did it matter at all and was it ever more than it was?

sometimes it feels like i’m the only one who’s looking for what cannot be found but must be given.
i hurt inside and i bleed inside and i lay the bricks of the wall i build, with admiration and pride.
how long? i hate the world today cause it gives what i can never have.
tell me it isn’t so, that it all wasn’t just a dream fading into the new impressions of tomorrow, that it was more than it ever could have been, that the footprints are stamped heavily onto the trails of eternity.
it matters more than i can say.

I wanted to steal away your soul, every bit of it. All of the thoughts in your head, fears, smiles, sins. I wanted to steal away your beauty, your pride, every bit of humility you had, every speck of guilt you secretly felt and the selfishness that would constantly define who you were, I wanted all of your love for myself. I wanted to bundle it all up, your entire universe and heart would be in a locket that hung from my neck.

What I wanted to steal from you on purpose, you took from me and didnt even know it.

Maybe I would have been Something you’d be good at? Maybe you would have been Something I’d be good at? But now we’ll never know. I won’t be sad.
But in case, I’ll go there everyday, just to make myself feel bad.